Yesterday, my post was about handling expectations in a healthy manner so that it can help you on your journey. One person who follows my blog asked a few questions that I thought were interesting enough to delve into them for the next few posts, as a quick response would never be sufficient for these questions.
The question I will focus on today is, ” Why are we never good enough?” See I told you this wouldn’t be easy!!! Anyway, thank you Viveka, I really enjoy your comments and I am happy to give you my point of view. And that is just it, really there is no right or wrong answer.
In my world, I feel that I am good enough, but that also includes room for improvement. For me to take time out of my day to check in with myself, making sure that I am happy and on a healthy path; those tiny steps reaffirm my commitment to myself. It took me a long time to understand that to be able to stand on my own two feet and be strong in every arena of my life, I was going to have to be my biggest support system. To be supportive of anyone, you accept who they are now, but you are also laying the structure for growth and hopefully growth in a positive direction, ultimately meaning health and happiness. I don’t see wanting to improve as being a rejection of self, quite the opposite, I see it as total acceptance. I now see my flaws as a potential for growth.
I still remember some of my first classes in art school, the class critiques could be brutal, for some they left in tears after getting into heated arguments with one another. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of standing in front of your peers while they judge a result of your passionate fervor, your creation, I would probably relate it to someone critiquing your child and/or the technique by which you are rearing said child. Preparing us for the critique, my teacher stands in front of the class and and in her peculiarly patterned speech of annunciating certain words dramatically for effect, she says” If you make it through art school and actually become an artist, you will need your fans to put you up on a pedestal and you will need your critics to tell you the truth.” Ah, such a nice lady, I think of her fondly… (Please note sarcasm.) Anyway, what I did take away from those critiques started to prepare me for the real world, where everyone doesn’t have to like everyone else.
Having been a child of a very unfriendly divorce, I found myself taking on the role as a peacemaker in my family, always trying to make everything better for everyone else. Righting wrongs and rewriting realities so that everyone felt better about the situation. In the process though, I became part of the carnage, because I was trying to make beauty from the ashes of a fire I didn’t start. Until recently, I didn’t realize that I had this pattern of behavior or that I had continued it into my adult life. All that I knew was that I became extremely nervous and panicked in situations involving any misunderstanding. A lot of times, if it involved people that I knew well, I would intervene in situations where I didn’t belong or, if I didn’t know the people well, I would completely disengage and detach myself from the situation. However, it wasn’t until I realized that I can truly only control myself, that I started to experience true happiness. By letting go of control, I was allowing others to disagree and work it out themselves and I no longer had to wait for everyone else’s storms to pass in order for me to feel joy. If they want to fight and squabble to the door of St. Peter, that is their prerogative, but the only person that I needed to check in with to make sure that they are on a healthy and happy road was myself. Now that I recognize that flawed part of my character, I can accept it for what it is and grow from a place of truth. It may be raw and hurt at first, but it sure is fertile ground and it is exciting to think of what I may grow into now.
Speaking of a healthy path, below I have provided a yummy recipe for Baked Oatmeal. A new successful recipe that I tried and is a great way to start your day.
- 1 1/2 cups rolled oats
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup milk
- 1 egg
- 1/4 cup melted butter
- 1 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1/2 cup dried cranberries
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
- In a large bowl, mix together oats, brown sugar, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt. Beat in milk, egg, melted butter, and vanilla extract. Stir in dried cranberries. Spread into a 8×8 inch baking dish.
- Bake in preheated oven for 35 minutes.